Wedding planning part II

To continue with the wedding theme, Dan and I went to the Day of Discovery at St. Thomas Aquinas, the Purdue Catholic center. I have to say that as Catholic Churches go, I love St. Tom's. They are so laid back, and genuinely nice (and, most likely due to the fact that they are a part of a huge university, they are fairly liberal, and incredibly smart [these are both very important to me!]).

Anyway, the Day of Discovery is where engaged couples go to learn about married life (from other married couples). There were numerous topics that were discussed:

Family of origin, or the fact that everyone comes from a different background, and has a very different view of what is "normal." The couple that discussed this topic were great; the woman came from a huge Italian family that took many family vacations and gathered en masse for Christmas... the man was the product of a cheerleader and a professional hockey player, who divorced each other early on, and only took "vacations" to rekindle romances (leaving the children with their uncle and a six pack of beer). Needless to say, they had different opinions on taking family vacations!

The next presentation was about children; the presenters were very quiet, so it was difficult to hear, but they had some good information about making lifestyle changes to make life easier on you and your children.

After that, Joe and Kristen Abbey (Joe works with Dan at Arxan), discussed natural family planning, (known to some as the rhythm method, although it is more complicated than that). Not exactly sure if I'm ready to give my womb over to God (He still has the birth control margin of error!!!) but it was interesting, and useful to some, nonetheless! Joe and Kristen did a good job discussing a fairly awkward topic, so kudos to them (and congrats about their baby on the way)!

The next speakers discussed finances, which is especially necessary during these troubling times. Dan and I knew most of the info they discussed, but given that money is such a common cause of marital stress, it is certainly a good topic!

After finances, the same couple discussed inter-faith marriage, and how important it is to have your own beliefs (rather than to force them upon each other). They mentioned how it is important to make decisions regarding child rearing, and that respecting differences in faith is a sign of love.

This was followed up with a discussion of spirituality, which I thought was somewhat weak; the presenters did a lot of 'we recommend X book, Y prayer, etc.' rather than discussing their personal issues with spirituality. That said, it was a hard topic, and when presenting to a large (ish) group, it is probably difficult to walk the line between "not spiritual enough" and "alienating jesus freak."

After that, there was a discussion on communication, by a soon-to-be retired communications professor, and his wife of over 50 years. They were fantastic. There was a lot of good advice; don't make assumptions regarding what your spouse would think on an issue; don't go to bed angry; make time for each other (these two still go on little coffee dates several times a week!), have fun, etc. They told a story about how in the 1960s/70s, it seemed like every professor was having an affair with his secretary. This professor's secretary was basically a part of their family; they were good friends. Well, after several divorces in the neighborhood (due to some administrative "assisting"), people were on high alert, and when someone saw this professor step out of his car with his young secretary (to get lunch), word got around (eventually to the professor's wife). If there hadn't been communication in their relationship, both of them agreed that this type of accusation could have been terrible for them! Anyway, they were very cute! (The woman apparently goes parasailing! Go granny!)

After that, the subject of challenges came up, and our hosts discussed their struggles with a debilitating neurological condition (the wife was diagnosed at age 25! scary!), and how it is important to listen to each other, and allow your spouse to feel angry, or upset, at times.

After that, Fr. George came in and gave us a talking-to, before we went to the 5:30 mass for our special blessing. It was a very long day, and sitting in chairs for the whole time was tiresome, but we got through it, and we are now one step closer to getting married! Yay!