Thursday, February 26, 2009
Scary.
I think this is particularly bad for me (and probably for Jill) given that we are doing most of our shopping on the North Shore of Chicago. I always knew it would be more expensive to get married in Chicagoland than say, Lafayette, IN. I just didn't know how bad it could be.
According to this website, the average American couple spends $15,299 and $25,498 on their wedding (this is probably excluding people who get married at a courthouse and don't have a "reception"). Here are some more statistics:
In West Lafayette [47906], the average cost of a wedding is: $19,429 and $32,382
Anderson, IN [46011]: $13,310 and $22,183
Indianapolis, IN [46201]: $16,369 and $27,282
Chicago, IL [60611]: $16,981 and $28,302
OK... about what you'd expect (actually, W. Laf. is full of some big spenders!). So imagine my surprise to see that the cost of a wedding in Wilmette, IL is: $72,362 and $120,603
HOLY SHIT!
Again, yes I expected it to be higher than pretty much all of Indiana... but more than 5x as expensive???
For some perspective, the cost of a wedding in Beverly Hills [90210] is: $57,216 and $95,361.
I'm not sure if I should feel good about myself for going *way* below average, or kick myself for agreeing to get married in such a frivolous part of the country!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
We have flowers!
I really liked her ideas for our arrangements, and also appreciated her giving me direct price quotes based on the flower choices (so that I can know various prices for bridesmaid bouquets, centerpieces, etc.). It will come in handy as we make tough decisons regarding what to keep and what to cut from our wedding (for budgetary reasons). Weddings are always a delicate dance between preference and practicality; it helps to be fully informed about what you're getting yourself into, though!
One of my major wedding pet peeves is that vendors are often *so* reluctant to give price estimates, but if you don't have a general feel for how much things cost, it is really hard to figure out how you are going to work out your budget!!! I understand that it can be impossible to give an exact quote on... say... centerpieces, when you don't know what a person wants, but you could give a range. how hard would it be to have this dialogue:
"Hi! I really like your work! What are your rates for centerpieces?"I really can't see how that would be a turn-off to a bride; knowing up front what you are getting into is important, and I would imagine (especially in this economy) that going in for a full consultation with a too-expensive florist would just waste everyone's time!!!
"Centerpieces start at around $35, but our average centerpiece costs $70"
"What would a $35 centerpiece typically include? What would a typical flower arrangement consist of?"
"A $35 centerpiece might be small vase of daisies at each table. A typical centerpiece would consist of a fairly tight bunch of roses, lilies, gerber daisies, etc. in an 8" round bowl. If you want to get very creative or large, the price goes up."
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Marriages
I believe that Prop 8 was a hateful piece of legislation that served no real point (don't like gay marriage? don't marry a gay!). I mean, let's face it, people... the people that developed Prop 8 are overwhelmingly religious. This is a nation that explicitly separates church and state in the constitution. US laws should not be based on religion, but on what is best for US citizens. Furthermore, there is no law forcing any church to recognize these marriages; if your conservative church disagrees with gay marriage, they are under no obligation to perform them! God not recognizing the marriage should be enough for these people, am I right?
Anyway, here is a really touching video, and a link to a petition (which you all should sign!)
"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.
Wedding planning part II
To continue with the wedding theme, Dan and I went to the Day of Discovery at St. Thomas Aquinas, the Purdue Catholic center. I have to say that as Catholic Churches go, I love St. Tom's. They are so laid back, and genuinely nice (and, most likely due to the fact that they are a part of a huge university, they are fairly liberal, and incredibly smart [these are both very important to me!]).
Anyway, the Day of Discovery is where engaged couples go to learn about married life (from other married couples). There were numerous topics that were discussed:
Family of origin, or the fact that everyone comes from a different background, and has a very different view of what is "normal." The couple that discussed this topic were great; the woman came from a huge Italian family that took many family vacations and gathered en masse for Christmas... the man was the product of a cheerleader and a professional hockey player, who divorced each other early on, and only took "vacations" to rekindle romances (leaving the children with their uncle and a six pack of beer). Needless to say, they had different opinions on taking family vacations!
The next presentation was about children; the presenters were very quiet, so it was difficult to hear, but they had some good information about making lifestyle changes to make life easier on you and your children.
After that, Joe and Kristen Abbey (Joe works with Dan at Arxan), discussed natural family planning, (known to some as the rhythm method, although it is more complicated than that). Not exactly sure if I'm ready to give my womb over to God (He still has the birth control margin of error!!!) but it was interesting, and useful to some, nonetheless! Joe and Kristen did a good job discussing a fairly awkward topic, so kudos to them (and congrats about their baby on the way)!
The next speakers discussed finances, which is especially necessary during these troubling times. Dan and I knew most of the info they discussed, but given that money is such a common cause of marital stress, it is certainly a good topic!
After finances, the same couple discussed inter-faith marriage, and how important it is to have your own beliefs (rather than to force them upon each other). They mentioned how it is important to make decisions regarding child rearing, and that respecting differences in faith is a sign of love.
This was followed up with a discussion of spirituality, which I thought was somewhat weak; the presenters did a lot of 'we recommend X book, Y prayer, etc.' rather than discussing their personal issues with spirituality. That said, it was a hard topic, and when presenting to a large (ish) group, it is probably difficult to walk the line between "not spiritual enough" and "alienating jesus freak."
After that, there was a discussion on communication, by a soon-to-be retired communications professor, and his wife of over 50 years. They were fantastic. There was a lot of good advice; don't make assumptions regarding what your spouse would think on an issue; don't go to bed angry; make time for each other (these two still go on little coffee dates several times a week!), have fun, etc. They told a story about how in the 1960s/70s, it seemed like every professor was having an affair with his secretary. This professor's secretary was basically a part of their family; they were good friends. Well, after several divorces in the neighborhood (due to some administrative "assisting"), people were on high alert, and when someone saw this professor step out of his car with his young secretary (to get lunch), word got around (eventually to the professor's wife). If there hadn't been communication in their relationship, both of them agreed that this type of accusation could have been terrible for them! Anyway, they were very cute! (The woman apparently goes parasailing! Go granny!)
After that, the subject of challenges came up, and our hosts discussed their struggles with a debilitating neurological condition (the wife was diagnosed at age 25! scary!), and how it is important to listen to each other, and allow your spouse to feel angry, or upset, at times.
After that, Fr. George came in and gave us a talking-to, before we went to the 5:30 mass for our special blessing. It was a very long day, and sitting in chairs for the whole time was tiresome, but we got through it, and we are now one step closer to getting married! Yay!
Wedding planning part I
Around Valentine's day, Dan and I went to Chicago to get some things sorted out; we wanted to interview florists and DJs, sort out the invitations, get my dress fitted, find wedding shoes, choose our cake, and photograph the wedding sites (so that we can plan things like the flowers).
First stop was Ixia Flowers in Evanston. While they could not make any appointments to discuss our wedding when we were there (duh, Valentine's day! bad oversight on my part!), Barbara Bellamy did provide us with photographs of thier work, and some very basic price ranges (nothing too illuminating, as they can't give a quote when they don't know what I want!). They had some *gorgeous* potted orchids; some of the most interesting I have ever seen. Their style is fairly modern, and they seem to have a good eye for line and color.
After that, we went to the Crest of Fine Flowers in Wilmette, where they actually *did* sit down and chat us up for awhile. The man that talked with us was very friendly, and I liked their policy of not adding *any* additional stress (ie. if we need an extra arrangement at the last minute, they will do it). Their flowers were beautiful, and they have obviously done some extremely ornate pieces; however prices were a little high (for our budget; it might be low for some people on the North Shore, lol), however, so I am not sure if we will be able to afford them.
I then went shoe shopping, and had absolutely no luck (although a woman made me consider for half a second that Christian Louboutins would be a fabulous addition to my outfit, and well worth the $700. Thankfully it was only half a second :)
The next day I tried on my dress, which is unfortunately still a tad snug. Hopefully they can let it out in the appropriate places. Even more hopefully, I will not gain any weight (probably should have passed on the free cookie today!).
Speaking of weight gain, we did pick out our cake. It will be fabulous, I think! We are buying it from Three Tarts in Northfield; it will be a combination of vanilla and banana cake, with chocolate ganache and banana filling, and white buttercream icing. Yum! For those of you who aren't cake fans, there will also be another dessert at the wedding.
After the cake tasting (which, btw, is a good enough reason to get married!), we picked out our invitations, which my mother ordered on Friday (yay!). So we can also check that off of our list! We also took photos of Sunset Ridge and St. Francis before riding off into the sunset! I will post some of these pictures as soon as I get the chance!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Gifts of the Water Magi
What is funny is we each bought giant bags of rice, two containers of hummus (same flavor), and pita bread, so now we have more rice and hummus than we could possibly need :-)
I also bought a box of bottled water; I was thinking of buying sparkling water (which is basically my obsession), but decided I didn't want to carry both of them out to the car, so resigned myself to drinking regular water, because Dan will also drink it (and it makes more sense to have something we will both drink).
When I got home, I saw three boxes of La Croix in the kitchen; Dan bought them for me, but did not buy himself any water.
The whole thing made me smile; it is really the little things that make you happy :-)
Thursday, February 12, 2009
1809
Two hundred years ago today, two of my favorite historical figures were born. Abraham Lincoln was born in a tiny, one room log cabin in Kentucky to two farmers. Charles Darwin was born to wealthy parents (his family owned the Wedgewood China company) in Shrewsbury, Shropshire, England.
Each of these men changed history massively; Lincoln held this country together during one of its most tumultuous times; he promoted equality, inspired troops, and became a symbol for all of us that a person from such humble roots can still succeed at the highest level (for more info on Lincoln, you can read my sister, Katie Hargrave's article here). As stated in Gettysburg on November 19, 1863:
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation, so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate—we can not consecrate—we can not hallow—this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain—that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.
Interestingly, Charles Darwin also believed in equality, and was an avid abolitionist (as a yong man, he learned taxidermy from a freed slave). Darwin's work from Origin of Species, though hotly debated, has held up remarkably well; natural selection is a key biological principle, and provides a beautiful model for how the world has changed to be at its current state. He stated that:
As many more individuals of each species are born than can possibly survive; and as, consequently, there is a frequently recurring struggle for existence, it follows that any being, if it vary however slightly in any manner profitable to itself, under the complex and sometimes varying conditions of life, will have a better chance of surviving, and thus be naturally selected. From the strong principle of inheritance, any selected variety will tend to propagate its new and modified form.and
There is grandeur in this view of life, with its several powers, having been originally breathed into a few forms or into one; and that, whilst this planet has gone cycling on according to the fixed law of gravity, from so simple a beginning endless forms most beautiful and most wonderful have been, and are being, evolved.
I think this statement is so beautiful; that forms are continually changing in nature, and that we are all a product of our parents and our changing environments. The NY Times has some great info on evolution and natural selection here.
What a lucky day 2/12/1809 was for nerds like me in 2009!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
In fact, there were so many things about running that I didn't believe... that it made you feel better, that there was a thing called "runner's high," that it was possible to enjoy it...
Strangely, I ran cross country in high school, but was never good, and never pushed myself to do anything challenging. I would get cramps from eating at the wrong time, or pushing myself too hard at first, and instead of working through it, I just walked for awhile. I never got the "runner's high" (not even when I *did* keep running), and I *never* enjoyed it. I think I may have been less depressed, but I don't even know that for sure since it was summertime, and I'm never as depressed in the summer.
Anyway, I was pretty much the worst one on the team, and never really took any pride in it. Now, I love it, though, and encourage everyone else to get out and move, even if you have to do it slowly. If you start running, know that you will be miserable at first, and to take it slow; it will get better, and you will enjoy it after awhile.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Graffiti art
Friday, February 6, 2009
Developmental Neurobiology: A primer.
Today
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Busy, Busy, Busy...
10 year old suicide
The Chicago Tribune is reporting a story of a 10 year old Evanston boy who was found hanging from a hook in the school bathroom. The coroner has ruled it a suicide.
Assuming it was a suicide (many are skeptical, thinking it was a bully who hung him up there for laughs), this is one of the most bizarrely depressing stories I have read, and it has left me wondering...
Psychologically, what compels a 10 year old to take his own life? I suppose the question is what compels anyone to. Depression, chronic pain, hallucinations? Was the boy even aware of what he was doing, or was he imitating something he saw on TV? Given that the boy was reportedly happy, what changed?
There are approximately 3 dozen child suicides per year in this country. What were all of these kids thinking? What differentiates child suicide from accidental death?
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Rat Surgeries
Normally these surgeries are fun for me, but today I am just not feeling it. Hopefully this won't affect the outcomes. FYI, here is a bad picture of the area I'm catheterizing... the greenish part is the jugular vein.
Chicago fire
As an art/architecture buff, I always get particularly sad when this type of tragedy happens. Much of the contents of these buildings are works of art, or historical relics (and in the case of Catholic churches, often anthropological relics as well). When a modern building burns down, the first thing I think of is whether or not everyone is OK. When a beautiful old building catches fire, my thoughts are more muddled between concern for life and concern for the aesthetics. I probably have my priorities out of whack, but for your perusal:
This is the interior of Holy Name:
And the organ:
And the Galeros, which are the ceremonial hats of each of the Cardinals that have died while serving there:
I remember when Cardinal Bernardin passed away, and they hung his Galero on the ceiling. From what the Tribune says, there is some water damage, so I hope they are OK.
Holy Name recently reopened after a long stretch of renovations, so it is particularly sad for their Parishoners.
I am always sad to see anything in Chicago burn down. Until I hear otherwise, I will blame it on Mrs. O'Leary's cow.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Catholic Wedding Planning
Dan and I fall into a special (although not particularly rare) group, according to the Catholic Church, because:
- we live together
- Dan is not Catholic
- have been married before
- have one non-Christian (or non-baptized) partner
Anyway, since SFX is in Chicagoland, and Dan and I are in West Lafayette, we are completing all of the coursework here, at St. Thomas Aquinas (the Catholic center at Purdue). I spoke to the lady in charge of everything, Eileen Strater, on the phone today. She was really helpful in explaining what we will need to have accomplished prior to our wedding. Here is an overview:
- Meet and fill out a questionnaire. There will be 150+ questions (more for us, b/c of our "special" status)
- Go to a pre-cana retreat (ours will be Saturday, 2/21, pretty much all day)
- Attend several other meetings (she said about 3, around 1h each) to discuss our answers to the questionnaire, and discuss different topics such as conflict resolution, commitment, etc.
- Fill out paperwork. This includes obtaining a "freedom to marry" affidavit, which our parents are to fill out, to prove that we haven't been married before, and that there is nothing that is in the way of us getting married before the Church. We also need to obtain baptismal certificates (Dan's can be any sort of proof of baptism; mine has to be an official Catholic document from the place I was baptized). These need to be obtained within the 6 months prior to the wedding (so between April 10, and October 10, 2009).
There is no Snuffy... Only Zuul.
Waiting for Snuffy
I guess not everyone finds softened water as exciting as I do, but it means a few lovely things:
- Better hair.
- Better skin.
- Less soapscum sticking to the side of the bathtub (I hope, anyway!).
Monday, February 2, 2009
Dance Marathon
Now he is *dancing* the Dance Marathon in Iowa; he will be dancing (or at least standing) for 24 (continuous) hours this weekend.
Charlie is trying to raise $1000 in 4 days for this cause; he has made a good start but still has a ways to go. If you feel the need to donate, you can go here.
Thanks, everyone!!! :)
That's *doctor* evil, to you...
The LA Times has an article about Jill Biden, who holds a doctorate in education, wanting to be addressed as Dr., rather than Mrs., Biden (the article also mentions that she is really the first "second lady" to hold a job in the regular work force, which I think is pretty cool).
Anyway, the article seems to imply that the title "doctor" is to be reserved for those practicing medicine. I find this short sided. The Ph.D. preceded the M.D. historically, and the education levels are comparable. The reason that "doctor" seems to refer to those in the medical profession seems to stem from the fact that the general public encounters medical doctors far more often than they do doctors of philosophy (until they go to college, that is, and the fact remains that many of us do not attend universities).
In any case, if one wishes to respect medical doctors more than doctors of philosophy, this is their perogative (after all, M.D.s save peoples lives in a much, much more direct sense than a Ph.D. [if the Ph.D. is in the business of saving lives at all]). However, both professions require an enormous amount of intellegence and training, and both set out to serve the public good. Jill Biden, like any other doctor, deserves the title associated with all of that training! Suggesting it impolite for her to suggest it is ridiculous!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
First post.
The main topics of this blog will most likely be: science, psychology, fitness, nutrition, grad school (in general), art, travel, and wedding planning (the last one will probably only be until October, when I will be married(!!!) and therefore not so focused on planning weddings). There will also probably be "feelings" discussed here, but I will try to keep them at least somewhat interesting, and pertinent to some sort of topic.
Anyway, I have had a reasonably productive weekend thus far! Yesterday, I made cupcakes with roses on them; there is about as much icing as cupcake on each one, which I'm sure Katie would love.
FYI, if anybody wants to learn how to make roses, it is a lot easier than it looks. Look up "buttercream rose" on youtube, and copy people!!!
Today, I learned Dan's special techniques for making pancakes, and then went for a run. I was wearing my Hind running tights and top (both of which I got for Christmas - thanks Mom!), which are both black, and a ski mask that I found in the closet; I looked somewhere between cat-burglar and ninja (save the pink sneakers!). The weather was really nice out; I didn't need the mask (normally the cold air hurts my lungs, and I am crying by mile no. 2, but this time I did 4 miles without a lot of trouble, and was actually quite hot by the end of it). Here is a ninja-pic for you all to enjoy:
Anyway, now I am going to go to to visit Chrissy and Chris for El Tazón Magnífico (and then to Brad's for the other half of the game). Honestly, I don't think I can muster up enough enthusiasm for either team, or the event itself; I am more interested to see which companies still have money to afford commercials... :)
Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys their weekends! Thanks for reading!
<3 Sara